I have stepped back for a while trying to process everything that we have experienced. It has been a hard 3 months since Mettie became our angel baby. There are days I feel like I can't even breath, when the pain of not having my sweet little one in my arms to hold and to kiss is so great that my heart is crumbling.
I want to remember all those sweet tender mercies we experienced as we went thru the most painful experience of our lives, the ones that helped us make it, that brought us close together and helped us feel our Savior and our Heavenly Father with us.
I know that it was a tender mercy to have my water break on its own. This single event was the catalyst for what would happen the first few hours of Mettie's life. As soon as the nurses started cleaning her off they realized that she did not have an anus. Because of this they quickly prepared her to be transported to Cardon's Childrens' Hospital. Immediately upon arrival the doctors did a scan of her whole mid-line, they discovered that she had Tetralogy of Fallot; 4 things wrong with her heart.
Our next tender mercy was this find. They quickly put Mettie on PGE, which allowed a tiny valve in her heart, that usually closes within hours of birth, to remain open so that her heart could continue pumping. Now that she had a heart defect she was sent to Phoenix Childrens' Hospital. They began some genetic testing on Mettie Skye.
On the Wednesday following her birth, Mettie coded. The doctors were trying to revive her for 4 1/2 minutes. The beautiful tender mercy was that she stayed. She could have left us that day, it was a miracle. She was entubated now but she was alive.
As I reflected more on how each imperfection of Mettie's body was
found, I realized that not discovering any of this in any of my
ultrasounds was a tender mercy. This allowed us to have more time with
Mettie as they ran tests on her body and on her genetics. Each step
gave us another day, another hour, another minute to love Mettie, to
feel what a strong and great spirit she has and for her siblings to
create a bond with their sister that they will forever treasure, that
they will forever work hard to be with her again. I am so thankful for
those full 26 days we had together as a family.
After the dark Care meeting we had with all the doctors we experienced another tender mercy. The next day a new cardiologist came in to speak with us, Dr. Ellsworth. He brought light into our lives again as he answered our questions and explained everything so thoroughly to us. He showed us all her scans and did another ultrasound right then and there of her heart. We needed that.
Another tender mercy was having Mettie transported home by ambulance and on the ventilator. We wanted as much time at home with her as we could have. The morning we were bringing her home the ambulance that came to transport her did not have an infant ventilator. I watched the hospital staff work hard and quickly to find a small transportable vent for Mettie. They took extra care in making sure everything was working properly as they hooked her up to it. I had a resident doctor wanting to come with us to make sure everything went okay. But the hospital wouldn't allow it. I have a great love for all the doctors, nurses, respiratory nurses, hospital staff that helped Mettie during her time at Phoenix Children's and during this time of helping her come home.
When we arrived home they removed the ventilator. Matt's cousin Darby was there to take family pictures. Her schedule was completely open for us. I am so grateful for that tender mercy. I am grateful that each of my children had the chance to hold her without all the chords and that they have a picture to remember that time with her. What a tender mercy!
The greatest tender mercy was having Mettie with us for 26 days. She taught us so much.
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